


Who Would I Be If I Had Not Loved You?

by Hedwigandtheangrybitch



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-26
Updated: 2017-05-26
Packaged: 2018-11-05 08:04:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11009328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hedwigandtheangrybitch/pseuds/Hedwigandtheangrybitch
Summary: A month has gone by since Whizzer passed and Marvin is struck with unshakable greif.





	Who Would I Be If I Had Not Loved You?

One month. 30 days. It feels like it's been hours. Empty sheets, no brown eyes greeting me each morning, and no greasy hair product residue on my pillow. I pull the white sheets over my head. I didn’t want to see a world without him. My eyes began flooding with tears. I miss our early morning love making. Which was often followed by our early morning arguments. The soft fabric of the bed guides my fingers towards the pillow neighboring my own. It’s sickening how the pillow held the scent that would ideally mean he had been laying in the now vacant bed only moments before. Every single part of him that had once annoyed me is now a bittersweet pain that I would trade anything to experience again. Why him? Why not me? Why is it so painful to think of him?Maybe, if I had tried to help him more - Maybe he would still be here? I feel an ache pressing from the inside of my ribs with each pang of guilt. My heart is just swinging a god-damn hammer trying escape the grief. The irony is that before Whizzer’s… Before, I thought that I’d grown to be less emotional, heartless even, what a load of crap that was. Now, here I lie. I sit here, I haven't showered in a week.   
If Whizzer could see me now… If Whizzer could… he’d say “Really? That’s disgusting. You’re getting the sheets dirty! go take a shower before I have to drag you in there.”   
“Well, I wouldn't smell so bad if you’d just given me that cologne you bought me instead of just using it yourself.” I whisper a reply to the four walls and the air occupying the space between them. I shake my head and begin the daily routine of blinking back my tears of grief. I pull myself up slowly out of the bed. I had no motivation to get up but I knew that if I wasn’t out of bed by the time Trina and Mendel stopped by to check on me, I’d get another lecture from Mendel about “the stages of grief” and how I need to “just pull through, it’ll get better”. But how could it get better when it feels like the world is crumbling beneath my feet? When it feels like the world should have just stopped spinning the moment his heart stopped beating?   
I run my left hand smoothly across the dresser that Whizzer despised.   
“It's too small to fit all my clothes in” He would say to me.  
“Make them fit. Maybe if you'd stop buying every piece of clothing you see maybe you'd have enough room.” I’d smirk as I replied.  
I heave a heavy sigh. Why does everything remind me of him. The drawers hold their ground as I struggle to pull it open.  
“Maybe. Just maybe. I should have listened to you.” My lips release a grimly forced chuckle to end the message delivered to no one. No one but me. I gingerly grasp the green garb strewn in the deep drawer and wrap it around my withering frame. “God. Why does everything feel so… depressing?” I think to myself. I run my eyes around the room. Something. Anything. I finally see one thing. One small object. I yank it up and run over the the telephone.   
“Hello, um. I need a bouquet of roses delivered to 753 Kelly st.” I spoke into the receiver. “Yes, thank you.”  
My body struggles to keep itself still as I sit impatiently idle waiting for the delivery. Thirty minutes were dragging by until I hear the gentle tapping of a fist lightly hitting the frame of the door. I race over to the door. I snatch up roses and harshly place the twenty dollars into the palm of the delivery man’s hand.   
I whisper to myself. “Camera. Roses. Okay, I've got everything. Next stop… The cemetery.” 


End file.
